"Listen"

Mental health and its treatment has an air of stigma and negativity attached to it. It is painful to see so many people go without the much needed help they so desperately need.

When people think of getting therapy or even dare to speak about the possibility they are often instantly shot down. But we must not forget the flip side - what the therapists can do for us and whether or not they are fulfilling those expectations.

Therapy - a place where someone asks you "and how do you feel about that?". Such a common misconception but one driven by the stigmatization of mental health and its services. Nobody outside of the profession ever really talks about their experiences with therapy - did it help? didn't it? This is quite a sad fact.

I came across this poem written by a patient of a psychiatric hospital and it really touched me. There are so many lines and comments in this that I can relate to - not from my experience of therapy but from the place of the advice giver. Its the harsh truth - people don't REALLY listen to what someone is saying to us. We change it, turn it around to be about us or brush it off with a generic comment about how its all going to be okay.

So please, if you will, take a moment to read this poem and to reflect on your listening skills and the types of advice you give to others - it might just make you realize what it is people really need - a ear that is really listening.

‘LISTEN’ 

When I ask you to listen to me 

And you start giving me advice, 

You have not done what I asked. 

When I ask you to listen to me 

And you begin to tell me ‘why’ I shouldn’t feel that way, 

You are trampling on my feelings. 

When I ask you to listen to me 

And you feel you have to do something to 

solve my problems, 

You have failed me, strange as that may seem. 

Listen! All I ask is that you listen; 

Not talk, nor do – just hear me. 

And I can do for myself – I’m not helpless 

Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. 

When you do something for me, that I can 

and need to do for myself, 

You contribute to my fear and weakness. 

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, 

No matter how irrational 

Then I quit trying to convince you 

And can get about the business of understanding 

What’s behind this irrational feeling. 

When that’s clear, 

The answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. 

Irrational feelings make sense when we 

Understand what’s behind them. 

Perhaps that’s why prayer works sometimes for 

some people; 

because God is mute, and doesn’t give 

advice to try to ‘fix’ things, 

He/She just listens, and lets you work it out 

for yourself. 

So please listen, and just hear me, and if you 

want to talk, 

Wait a minute for your turn, 

And I’ll listen to you. 

Anon