When people think of getting therapy or even dare to speak about the possibility they are often instantly shot down. But we must not forget the flip side - what the therapists can do for us and whether or not they are fulfilling those expectations.
Therapy - a place where someone asks you "and how do you feel about that?". Such a common misconception but one driven by the stigmatization of mental health and its services. Nobody outside of the profession ever really talks about their experiences with therapy - did it help? didn't it? This is quite a sad fact.
I came across this poem written by a patient of a psychiatric hospital and it really touched me. There are so many lines and comments in this that I can relate to - not from my experience of therapy but from the place of the advice giver. Its the harsh truth - people don't REALLY listen to what someone is saying to us. We change it, turn it around to be about us or brush it off with a generic comment about how its all going to be okay.
So please, if you will, take a moment to read this poem and to reflect on your listening skills and the types of advice you give to others - it might just make you realize what it is people really need - a ear that is really listening.
‘LISTEN’
When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me ‘why’ I shouldn’t feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to
solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen;
Not talk, nor do – just hear me.
And I can do for myself – I’m not helpless
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me, that I can
and need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational
Then I quit trying to convince you
And can get about the business of understanding
What’s behind this irrational feeling.
When that’s clear,
The answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we
Understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works sometimes for
some people;
because God is mute, and doesn’t give
advice to try to ‘fix’ things,
He/She just listens, and lets you work it out
for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me, and if you
want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn,
And I’ll listen to you.
Anon
